a real-life nightmare

Starting Preschool with Anaphylaxis 

(disclaimer: long post ahead)

I sent Maya’s preschool application to BYU’s Child and Family Studies Lab in early March. The deadline was April. I was sure there was no chance of getting in. People apply and prepare for this FAR in advance, and faculty and staff with children are the first priority before students. But it felt good to have an option out there in the universe, an option for her to do what she begs me to do every day. Plus, they even stated on their website something about food allergies and accommodating those students. Hooray! A school that is aware! Honestly I trust BYU far more than some other random preschool at someone’s house, or old building.

Well, summer came and it was time to move. I had received a letter from BYU saying that Maya was #3 on the waiting list, but still didn’t expect to be going since it was already August and the preschool started at the beginning of September. It was the day before we were supposed to move to Provo and I was standing in my kitchen cleaning out the fridge and scrubbing those little rubber seals along the edges when my phone rang. It was an 801-422 number, which I knew was BYU. Completely shocked, I listened to the probably 18/19-year old secretary tell me that there was a spot for Maya in Miss Dorie’s afternoon class. I didn’t even hesitate, I said yes immediately without even discussing it with Brett.  We still had time to reject or change our minds. But a feeling came over me that this was supposed to happen. Our first venture putting Maya out into the world, outside of our protective bubble and constant care seemed to be the perfect opportunity to give her and us confidence. It felt too right to happen just by chance or by coincidence.

Fast forward to our second week in Provo, the week of preschool orientation and parent meetings. I had already discussed my concerns about the dreaded snack time with the preschool director and barely held it together on the phone. I hung up feeling heavy with doubt. When I saw the snack calendar full of yogurts, cheese, ranch dip, and other horrifying drippy, dairy foods that would probably inhibit Maya from attending preschool, turmoil filled my heart and head. I was sure that Maya would never be able to attend any type of school and turmoil turned to rage. The two thoughts constantly contradicting my mind were:  1. “I can’t protect her forever; I have to give this a try. They are willing to help and become educated and she will flourish and love it so much and this will be a perfect learning opportunity for how to survive in the public education system,” and 2. “Why would I even be considering sending her to an environment where her life is in danger? Not only that, but why would I actually PAY them to serve life-threatening food to kids all around her?” I had a major dilemma, and with Brett starting the MBA, I felt miserably alone. These two thoughts would not leave me. One day I felt so positive, and the next would be completely negative. I needed clarity. I needed prayers answered, and they were; on the days of preschool orientation and the parent meeting.

 

When we walked into the classroom for the orientation, it was like a magical kingdom. Maya was astonished by everything and was immediately put to work on a scavenger hunt looking for the class pet tarantula, the kid-sized potties, and a lot of awesome discoveries. Brett was thankfully with me to help chase Griffin and support me as my anxiety sky-rocketed through the rough and all of my worst fears were on the brink of surfacing. I talked to the student teacher and the head teacher about ALL of my concerns (I wrote them down for backup because I knew I’d be flustered.) Hearing their confidence in creating a safe environment for Maya gave me a glimmer of hope. Brett was all for it, and I was about halfway there, especially after seeing Maya. I always knew she would flourish in a school-setting and devour every little routine, schedule, lesson and song. Actually seeing her there made it real for me. It was a good, positive day overall, and I was feeling better, yet the turmoil and fear lingered in the back of my mind. Was this the right choice?

The next evening was the parent meeting. Brett came home from school to watch the kids and I went solo. The first half was with the director of the preschool mentioned earlier. It was just pick-up & drop-off rules, parking procedures, routine, curriculum, more rules, etc. After we met with her, we were invited to visit the classroom again where we would have a short info session with the head teacher, Miss Dorie.  Still feeling uneasy, I sat down and listened to her talk about her classroom, what is expected, her favorite song, the focus and boo-boo cream, and other charming little procedures that made me smile and feel that Maya belonged here, with Miss Dorie and Fuzz, the pet tarantula. But it wasn’t until I heard Miss Dorie specifically mention Maya’s allergies and the severity of the situation in front of all the other parents that I knew I was in love. This was an experienced teacher who was determined to make her classroom safe and available for Maya and who did not belittle or undermine the seriousness of the situation. She knew I was a nervous, paranoid mom, who almost watched her little girl die from drinking milk, and she was so understanding and willing to learn and change anything to help us feel comfortable. It was this night that I knew my prayers were answered. I knew the phone call I received in August informing of an opening for Maya in this specific class was no coincidence.

Before school started, Miss Dorie had me come in on a Friday afternoon to do a “Safe-at-School” and Epi-pen training for the student and practicum teachers. I wanted them to know how serious this was and so I told them how Maya will react and what we have seen happen to her when she comes in contact with or eats anything with milk. It is extremely difficult for me to discuss the happenings of that fuzzy day when I first used the Epi-pen without choking up, and I of course did. I felt so silly, but I think it clarified the severity and transferred my paranoia onto them, which is exactly what I wanted.

Almost 3 months later, and Maya has had ZERO reactions or issues at school. I highlight what she CANNOT have on the snack calendar, they Lysol tables/chairs before and after snack time, kids use wipes after they eat on hands and faces, there are specific protocols in place in case of an emergency, I store safe snacks at the school that Maya can choose from on the “yucky days” and we celebrate the days we can eat the same snacks as everyone else. For example, one practicum student decided to substitute butter for coconut oil while making rice krispie treats with the children. Maya was so happy and I will forever be grateful for that extra little effort. I also appreciated Miss Dorie using the first week of school to teach about germs and letting Maya and another boy talk about their food allergies in front of the whole class. What a special and crucial opportunity.

I feel so blessed that we have the BYU preschool in our lives. Maya adores everything about it. I will do everything I can to keep her there next year as well for kindergarten. If not, I am seriously considering home-school.  Starting preschool with anaphylaxis started out as horrifying and has become a tremendous blessing. It gives me hope for the future when she is even further outside of our nest. 

For all who are reading this; think twice before you roll your eyes as you listen to someone go on and on about their kid's food allergies. It could be a lot more severe than you realize. We are mostly trying to spread awareness, concern and education. It is a growing epidemic. Ask questions, listen and don't judge. A little bit of empathy goes a long way.

since we moved

In no particular order:
Soccer. Preschool. MBA. Interviews. MBASA. Playdates. Recruiting. Fall. Cars Birthday.
Feeling inspired to write a little more, document a little more and upload a little more, I suddenly realized that I am creating our family history. I have no idea who even reads this, other than family, and that is who this is for and that is who I care most about.

Maya is not aggressive, we doubt she ever will be. Put her on a field with 7 other supposedly 4 year olds and she is going to run where they run, not fast and regardless of where the ball is, look at the color of the other team's jerseys, make faces with a teammate, look at the clouds, play with the grass, break into song and/or monologue, and collapse periodically from sheer exhaustion. All of the above happened during our first season of Provo City Fall League Soccer for preschoolers age 4-5 (but seriously there were some 6-year olds). As a soccer player myself, gritting my teeth and holding my tongue on the sidelines, it was extremely difficult to let her explore the sport her own way and not become the mom yelling (which I did a few times) running up and down the field. She never scored a goal and was very sad about it. Lucky for her she finally felt the confidence and satisfaction of her hard work paying off when she scored her first goal on her new MBASA soccer team. And they are legit 4-year olds who all seem to become distracted by a bug or a plane or a fellow teammate who lost their shoe. Love to see her big smile when she feels good about herself and when she is trying her best.

The MBA program has been such a whirlwind. Brett's track, OB/HR, starts recruiting immediately after school starts. On top of school work, he has been dealing with interviews, late night info sessions, networking and basically doing everything in his power to land an internship. It will be a huge sigh of relief when all of his hard work pays off. The kids sometimes go a long time without seeing him, which is difficult, but we are all learning and growing together from this experience. MBASA has been a big blessing and source of friendships and memorable experiences. There are almost daily activities for kids, families, or the exhausted moms and spouses! It is the reason why BYU has the #1 family friendly MBA program in the country.

BYU preschool has been a wonderful opportunity for Maya and our family. Just as I thought, Maya has flourished there, and has learned so many wonderful things already. I will write again about how inspired it all was and how it happened that she actually got in.

Griffin recently turned TWO. I have no idea how it happened, but it did, and he was great. We had a small party with waffles, cupcakes, a Cars balloon, hot wheels, race tracks and a trip to the pumpkin patch. Everyday, I feel like I cannot quite get enough of him. From the kisses to the hugs to the yells to the trot down the hallway to the constant affection toward his big sister, I wish I could bottle him up and save him at this stage forever. He is a tender heart who loves cars, planes, trucks, anything that goes, the letter "O", the color yellow, dinosaurs, cuddling, hummus, peanut butter sandwiches, apples, going for jogs, and an endless amount of random awesomeness. I forgot how beautiful Utah is in the fall, and the kids are loving the yellow, pink, purple, red, orange and every other color of leaf they have found and collected on our kitchen table.

relocating

Moving is hard. Emotionally and physically. Moving with 2 kids is even harder. I kept telling myself
that I was organized, checking things off my list in advance, deep cleaning EVERYTHING and that it wouldn't be too much work, come moving day. Well that really was not the case. Turns out that what you try to get done during the day doesn't really accomplish anything because of the 2 said children who are doubling the mess and bouncing off the walls from being cooped up inside from the 115+ heat.

Somehow we did it. We loaded every last piece of furniture, toy, shoe, and possession into the U-Haul late Friday night. Late, late; like 2 AM late. We all slept on the floor, Fin too and Maya got to sleep in her tent.

I was so sad to say good bye to our home. Even though it felt like death outside, I knew it would be difficult driving away from our lives in Mesa. It was the first place that we'd lived for longer than 2 years, we brought Griffin home there, Maya blossomed and flourished there and we met some amazing people there.

Living out of suitcases for the following 2 weeks was not fun. Fin throwing up in the car and screaming at me the e n t i r e trip was not fun. Driving by myself with two non-sleeping, carsick kids was not fun. But it was fun to spend time in Vernal and Pine Valley. We met up with my sister and family at my mom's house and it was awesome to see the cousins together. By the time it was finally time to pick up our keys to our new(ish) 3-bedroom, smaller apartment, everyone was so ready to be settled.

It has been so bizarre living in Provo again. So many memories came flooding in and continue to do so; especially when I walk my kids on campus to attend Maya's preschool open house (a post for another time). The MBA program here has a wonderful spouse's association with various activities for adults and children. It is nice to have so many instant friends who are dealing with your same circumstances of poverty and student loans. We are making the most of our little adventure here, itching to find out about internships next summer, and playing intramural flag football and soccer, which is saving my sanity. The weather is beautiful and my kids are loving the grass, clouds, rain, cool breezes, and the Y on the mountain, which they must scream every time they see it from the car.

Here is a quick snapshot of our adventure in moving. From left to right:
Mesa to Vernal to Pine Valley to Provo.

test results

We re-tested Maya for all of her allergies; skin and blood. She actually asked the nurse if she could help draw her own blood. The results were disheartening. Her milk levels went from a class 5 to a class 6.
Class 6 is the highest.
It seems like a lifetime ago when we first found out about her allergies, and it has been and will continue to be a long and difficult journey, especially as she becomes older and more independent.While we always stay hopeful, the reality that she will outgrow her milk allergy is more and more unlikely. However, we would be thrilled if it decreased even a little. Being sent home with a tummy ache would be an amazing alternative to what we are facing now. With more research happening all the time, it is likely that she would one day be able to tolerate a little dairy without life threatening reactions.
The good news from the test results was that her peanut allergy had drastically decreased, enough to try a monitored oral challenge. It seems ironic that the most severe and widespread allergy for most people is in fact her weakest. We did the oral challenge, my heart pounding the whole time, and she passed. Not even one tiny breakout.
CELEBRATE!
We are now slowly introducing peanut butter into her diet and no longer returning grocery items to the shelves that are contaminated with peanuts.
Her allergies now are: milk, egg, tree nuts (cashews), and several environmental allergies.
In other news, griffin thinks he is invincible and has discovered his passion for art. Too bad his favorite canvas is himself or anything other than paper. He also has mastered undressing himself quite proudly and strutting around in the nude. To say he is different than Maya would be a huge understatement. We are in uncharted waters with him, but it makes it so much more exciting. He is constantly making us laugh and is our source of endless entertainment.
We are s l o w l y getting ready for the move back to Utah and taking this prime opportunity to unclutter and simplify our lives. I cannot wait to enjoy a beautiful AUTUMN in Provo and escape this blasted desert heat.

 

balance

When deciding what would be Maya's birthday present from us we really liked the idea of a bicycle. However, not far into our search, we realized it was near impossible to find one that wasn't 1)princess themed with sparkly pink streamers, or 2)Spiderman themed in black. Being the economical parents that we are, we of course wanted a bike that Fin could also grow into, so a gender neutral one was a must. We then started realizing the difficult task we would face of teaching her how to ride a bike post training wheels sometime in the future. One word: STRESS.

Brett mentioned a balance bike (that we had previously made fun of while in REI). I did not know much about them, but it took one viewing of this video, and I was sold.

It didn't take as long as I anticipated for her to gain confidence and balance. This is Maya only one month later on her balance bike, that she absolutely LOVES!

deja vu

Almost four years ago, this is what was on our minds. Now we find ourselves in a place where we are not quite ready to put down roots, struggling to make ends meet, and looking for our next adventure. We've never been the ones to settle down early, for us it has taken time. Our soon to be 3 years in Arizona have been a much needed blessing of stability. But, it is time to move on, to expand, to reach for our long-term goals. That being said, we recently found out Brett has been admitted to a graduate program, yet again. This time, not so exotic and adventurous as London, but admittedly more familiar and close to home and family.

Some have asked us the simple question of "why." Brett has a stable job here, and he already received a master's degree didn't he? Correct. He received a master's degree in public management and governance from the London School of Economics, meaning he was looking for work within the public sector upon our return. Coming home to a very unsure economy did not help our nerves and fears. Only a couple of short months after returning to the states, he received a job offer in Phoenix, AZ. We didn't even take time to consider it, it was an obvious answer and much needed blessing.

Over these years, however, we have realized that the public sector just isn't for us. Weighing our options, mapping out several different scenarios on our future, and creating endless pros and cons lists, we finally came to a solution for the easiest and most beneficial transition into the private sector. The solution was to receive an MBA in HR (an interest that sparked within the AZ State Government work) the cheapest way possible. That being said, it was obvious where we should apply. We didn't branch out this year at all, thinking that if our #1 choice didn't work out, we could try for more schools next year. So, he took the GMAT, applied and we heard back in the affirmative.

It is daunting to think of doing the grad school thing yet again, but very exciting. I have loved living in Mesa; minus the summers, the close to zero rain, the 2 seasons that seem to blur together, the mountain-less landscape. I have loved it for one main reason: it has been our home. Griffin was born here, Maya has flourished here, we have met amazing people here and have finally lived somewhere for 2+ years!

Now we are preparing for another graduate degree, 2 kids with us this time, and thankfully not boarding an international flight, but rather a longish drive back to where we first met. Provo will be our home again for two years starting this fall. BYU here we come yet again...

my half

I completed my first half marathon last Saturday. I PR'd...wait am I allowed to use cool runner acronyms after only my first race? It was a long time standing goal after fin was born. I trained with my two darling kids in tow, and ran the final race solo. It felt awesome, I'm not going to lie, and I think I may have opened something inside willing me to do it again or maybe even a full. 

I loved running through familiar parts of my neighborhood and especially seeing Brett on the corner of Bashas holding fin in the rain, and Maya's eyes frantically trying to reach mine. Seeing them seriously ignited me and may have brought tears to my eyes. So grateful for them and all of their support. Also a shout out to Stephen Dubner, Steve Leavitt and Ira Glass for keeping my mind occupied during long training runs and the first half of the half.

I was so nervous the night before and morning of because of the predicted torrential downpour that was supposed to last the duration of the race. It turned out it only really rained a little at the starting line and off and on throughout, but brought with it a wonderful, cool, refreshing feeling that nobody expected in Phoenix, Arizona. The weather turned out to be absolute perfection.

Brett was so great the morning of. He woke up at 3:45 with me, made me breakfast, made the kids waffles so we could eat breakfast at this amazing restaurant after the race, walked me to the car and came home to get the kids up and out of the house by 7 AM, which is quite the task. He was nothing short of a miracle worker. He even had to put up with some snide remarks from fellow onlookers at the finish line for putting Maya on his shoulders and blocking views...really? Plus attempting to maneuver a double jogging stroller through a crowd of people makes enough enemies. He and the kids were troopers through it all!

I think now he even feels motivated to do a race with me, maybe a triathlon of some sort. We will see what the future brings. For now, my kids are wearing my medal around thinking I won the greatest prize there ever was.

*Some signs that made me smile: "Smile if you need to poop," "I woke up early to make this sign and stand in the rain for this sh** so run faster!" "This probably seemed like a good idea 4 months ago," "Ryan Gosling is waiting for YOU at the finish line" and the best one of all "RUN MOJO RUN! MEET ME AT EL POLLO LOCO!"

four years ago

she was born. our world was brighter because maya was finally here. our little groundhog baby. scary, thrilling, emotional, wonderful, we embarked on the adventure of parenthood. she has been full of surprises everyday and has taught us so many wonderful things. a caring older sister, a loyal friend, a wise and sensitive soul, a compassionate daughter, a wild and crazy kid, maya is our light and happiness.

hand washing

My hands are dry and cracked. Living in the desert does not help. I probably wash my hands fifty times a day, and not just because I eat that much dairy. I'm paranoid. I expect others to be as on top of it as I am. Is that too much to ask? Some people may say yes, but I feel like the growing number of children with food allergies, is bringing with it a growing concern, empathy and diligence in keeping these and all kids safe.

It comes so naturally to me. Like second nature. When I eat anything dairy, I actually feel dirty. Like I need a shower. But I settle for washing my hands and most importantly my mouth with soap and water. Because kisses from your almost four-year-old are the best part of the day, and who wants to compromise that? So when I give family members, friends, teachers the hand washing lecture, I get the crazy eyes looking back at me, probably tuning my, to them, insane expectations out. But who can blame me? I've seen her after coming in contact with one of her scariest allergens--swollen shut eyes, hives spreading before my eyes, wheezing, coughing, sneezing.

This is merely from touching, not ingesting, so you can imagine the nightmare it is to think about sending her to any kind of school. Those little milk cartons threatening her well being and life. It doesn't seem fair. We are weighing options, finding advocates and information that would help us.

Truth be told, I want to homeschool. I wish I was that mom. But I don't know if I am. I see her flourishing too much in a school and social setting, and I believe in education. I want her to have the best. This is a major dilemma for me as she is turning 4 this Sunday. She asks about going to school constantly. We do school at home now, but I know I don't always bring out the best in her. I have several friends who homeschool for reasons different than food allergies. Talking to them, they mostly do it to be with their kids more and to avoid the crazy strict school schedule. I don't know where I fall. Somewhere in between.

Some schools say they are accommodating for food allergies because they have a separate lunch table, nut or dairy-free, as if these children are not ostracized enough. But can I really trust someone to notice in time when she is having an allergic reaction? Then there are "peanut-free" schools, which is wonderful for kids who are deathly allergic to peanuts, but what about Maya, who is deathly allergic to milk? Will there ever be a school that would be "milk-free?" I don't see it in the near future. Unless I created one myself.

I know to most people, I must be so annoying always going on and on about food allergies and the importance of spreading awareness and education, but I ask those people to put themselves in my shoes. When your child's life is at risk on a daily basis, wouldn't you speak up and want to do anything and everything to keep her safe? People may look at me and think I'm paranoid, and I probably am to some extent. But as I pack her dinner to eat at a restaurant and not even attempt to ask the chef about dairy-free options, as I wipe every public place we go to down with a wet wipe before she touches it, as I furiously look at the kids on the playground dripping ice cream cones and eating pizza, or the mom who is throwing goldfish crackers all over the splashpad with her son apparently "feeding the pigeons," I don't know of another way to be. To me, it isn't worth the risk of being "nicer" or "less-confrontational" or "easier." I guess I'd rather be the mom people get sick of hearing from than having the child who isn't safe.

So with that rant, I should go wash my hands because I just ate breakfast.

wordless wednesday