a real-life nightmare

Starting Preschool with Anaphylaxis 

(disclaimer: long post ahead)

I sent Maya’s preschool application to BYU’s Child and Family Studies Lab in early March. The deadline was April. I was sure there was no chance of getting in. People apply and prepare for this FAR in advance, and faculty and staff with children are the first priority before students. But it felt good to have an option out there in the universe, an option for her to do what she begs me to do every day. Plus, they even stated on their website something about food allergies and accommodating those students. Hooray! A school that is aware! Honestly I trust BYU far more than some other random preschool at someone’s house, or old building.

Well, summer came and it was time to move. I had received a letter from BYU saying that Maya was #3 on the waiting list, but still didn’t expect to be going since it was already August and the preschool started at the beginning of September. It was the day before we were supposed to move to Provo and I was standing in my kitchen cleaning out the fridge and scrubbing those little rubber seals along the edges when my phone rang. It was an 801-422 number, which I knew was BYU. Completely shocked, I listened to the probably 18/19-year old secretary tell me that there was a spot for Maya in Miss Dorie’s afternoon class. I didn’t even hesitate, I said yes immediately without even discussing it with Brett.  We still had time to reject or change our minds. But a feeling came over me that this was supposed to happen. Our first venture putting Maya out into the world, outside of our protective bubble and constant care seemed to be the perfect opportunity to give her and us confidence. It felt too right to happen just by chance or by coincidence.

Fast forward to our second week in Provo, the week of preschool orientation and parent meetings. I had already discussed my concerns about the dreaded snack time with the preschool director and barely held it together on the phone. I hung up feeling heavy with doubt. When I saw the snack calendar full of yogurts, cheese, ranch dip, and other horrifying drippy, dairy foods that would probably inhibit Maya from attending preschool, turmoil filled my heart and head. I was sure that Maya would never be able to attend any type of school and turmoil turned to rage. The two thoughts constantly contradicting my mind were:  1. “I can’t protect her forever; I have to give this a try. They are willing to help and become educated and she will flourish and love it so much and this will be a perfect learning opportunity for how to survive in the public education system,” and 2. “Why would I even be considering sending her to an environment where her life is in danger? Not only that, but why would I actually PAY them to serve life-threatening food to kids all around her?” I had a major dilemma, and with Brett starting the MBA, I felt miserably alone. These two thoughts would not leave me. One day I felt so positive, and the next would be completely negative. I needed clarity. I needed prayers answered, and they were; on the days of preschool orientation and the parent meeting.

 

When we walked into the classroom for the orientation, it was like a magical kingdom. Maya was astonished by everything and was immediately put to work on a scavenger hunt looking for the class pet tarantula, the kid-sized potties, and a lot of awesome discoveries. Brett was thankfully with me to help chase Griffin and support me as my anxiety sky-rocketed through the rough and all of my worst fears were on the brink of surfacing. I talked to the student teacher and the head teacher about ALL of my concerns (I wrote them down for backup because I knew I’d be flustered.) Hearing their confidence in creating a safe environment for Maya gave me a glimmer of hope. Brett was all for it, and I was about halfway there, especially after seeing Maya. I always knew she would flourish in a school-setting and devour every little routine, schedule, lesson and song. Actually seeing her there made it real for me. It was a good, positive day overall, and I was feeling better, yet the turmoil and fear lingered in the back of my mind. Was this the right choice?

The next evening was the parent meeting. Brett came home from school to watch the kids and I went solo. The first half was with the director of the preschool mentioned earlier. It was just pick-up & drop-off rules, parking procedures, routine, curriculum, more rules, etc. After we met with her, we were invited to visit the classroom again where we would have a short info session with the head teacher, Miss Dorie.  Still feeling uneasy, I sat down and listened to her talk about her classroom, what is expected, her favorite song, the focus and boo-boo cream, and other charming little procedures that made me smile and feel that Maya belonged here, with Miss Dorie and Fuzz, the pet tarantula. But it wasn’t until I heard Miss Dorie specifically mention Maya’s allergies and the severity of the situation in front of all the other parents that I knew I was in love. This was an experienced teacher who was determined to make her classroom safe and available for Maya and who did not belittle or undermine the seriousness of the situation. She knew I was a nervous, paranoid mom, who almost watched her little girl die from drinking milk, and she was so understanding and willing to learn and change anything to help us feel comfortable. It was this night that I knew my prayers were answered. I knew the phone call I received in August informing of an opening for Maya in this specific class was no coincidence.

Before school started, Miss Dorie had me come in on a Friday afternoon to do a “Safe-at-School” and Epi-pen training for the student and practicum teachers. I wanted them to know how serious this was and so I told them how Maya will react and what we have seen happen to her when she comes in contact with or eats anything with milk. It is extremely difficult for me to discuss the happenings of that fuzzy day when I first used the Epi-pen without choking up, and I of course did. I felt so silly, but I think it clarified the severity and transferred my paranoia onto them, which is exactly what I wanted.

Almost 3 months later, and Maya has had ZERO reactions or issues at school. I highlight what she CANNOT have on the snack calendar, they Lysol tables/chairs before and after snack time, kids use wipes after they eat on hands and faces, there are specific protocols in place in case of an emergency, I store safe snacks at the school that Maya can choose from on the “yucky days” and we celebrate the days we can eat the same snacks as everyone else. For example, one practicum student decided to substitute butter for coconut oil while making rice krispie treats with the children. Maya was so happy and I will forever be grateful for that extra little effort. I also appreciated Miss Dorie using the first week of school to teach about germs and letting Maya and another boy talk about their food allergies in front of the whole class. What a special and crucial opportunity.

I feel so blessed that we have the BYU preschool in our lives. Maya adores everything about it. I will do everything I can to keep her there next year as well for kindergarten. If not, I am seriously considering home-school.  Starting preschool with anaphylaxis started out as horrifying and has become a tremendous blessing. It gives me hope for the future when she is even further outside of our nest. 

For all who are reading this; think twice before you roll your eyes as you listen to someone go on and on about their kid's food allergies. It could be a lot more severe than you realize. We are mostly trying to spread awareness, concern and education. It is a growing epidemic. Ask questions, listen and don't judge. A little bit of empathy goes a long way.