hand washing

My hands are dry and cracked. Living in the desert does not help. I probably wash my hands fifty times a day, and not just because I eat that much dairy. I'm paranoid. I expect others to be as on top of it as I am. Is that too much to ask? Some people may say yes, but I feel like the growing number of children with food allergies, is bringing with it a growing concern, empathy and diligence in keeping these and all kids safe.

It comes so naturally to me. Like second nature. When I eat anything dairy, I actually feel dirty. Like I need a shower. But I settle for washing my hands and most importantly my mouth with soap and water. Because kisses from your almost four-year-old are the best part of the day, and who wants to compromise that? So when I give family members, friends, teachers the hand washing lecture, I get the crazy eyes looking back at me, probably tuning my, to them, insane expectations out. But who can blame me? I've seen her after coming in contact with one of her scariest allergens--swollen shut eyes, hives spreading before my eyes, wheezing, coughing, sneezing.

This is merely from touching, not ingesting, so you can imagine the nightmare it is to think about sending her to any kind of school. Those little milk cartons threatening her well being and life. It doesn't seem fair. We are weighing options, finding advocates and information that would help us.

Truth be told, I want to homeschool. I wish I was that mom. But I don't know if I am. I see her flourishing too much in a school and social setting, and I believe in education. I want her to have the best. This is a major dilemma for me as she is turning 4 this Sunday. She asks about going to school constantly. We do school at home now, but I know I don't always bring out the best in her. I have several friends who homeschool for reasons different than food allergies. Talking to them, they mostly do it to be with their kids more and to avoid the crazy strict school schedule. I don't know where I fall. Somewhere in between.

Some schools say they are accommodating for food allergies because they have a separate lunch table, nut or dairy-free, as if these children are not ostracized enough. But can I really trust someone to notice in time when she is having an allergic reaction? Then there are "peanut-free" schools, which is wonderful for kids who are deathly allergic to peanuts, but what about Maya, who is deathly allergic to milk? Will there ever be a school that would be "milk-free?" I don't see it in the near future. Unless I created one myself.

I know to most people, I must be so annoying always going on and on about food allergies and the importance of spreading awareness and education, but I ask those people to put themselves in my shoes. When your child's life is at risk on a daily basis, wouldn't you speak up and want to do anything and everything to keep her safe? People may look at me and think I'm paranoid, and I probably am to some extent. But as I pack her dinner to eat at a restaurant and not even attempt to ask the chef about dairy-free options, as I wipe every public place we go to down with a wet wipe before she touches it, as I furiously look at the kids on the playground dripping ice cream cones and eating pizza, or the mom who is throwing goldfish crackers all over the splashpad with her son apparently "feeding the pigeons," I don't know of another way to be. To me, it isn't worth the risk of being "nicer" or "less-confrontational" or "easier." I guess I'd rather be the mom people get sick of hearing from than having the child who isn't safe.

So with that rant, I should go wash my hands because I just ate breakfast.